Church Etiquette

In the Orthodox Church there are numerous customs and traditions that are important parts of our worship. Some of these customs are universal to the Church, while some may vary from parish to parish, or cultural tradition. The following, adapted from Fr. Anthony Karbo of Holy Theophany Orthodox Church in Colorado Springs, CO, addresses questions most often asked by those new to the faith, and even those not so new. It is important to note that customs for the regular Orthodox churchgoer are not rigidly imposed on newcomers or visitors, one always needs to find one's feet instead of being deluged with a list of rules.

Standing vs. Sitting

The traditional posture for prayer and worship in the Orthodox Church is to stand. In historically Orthodox countries, there are usually no pews in the churches. Chairs or benches on the side walls are intended only for those who need them, i.e. the elderly, infirm, pregnant, and visitors. In North America, some Orthodox faithful have introduced pews into their churches, which creates the artificial “need” to figure out when to sit and when to stand. In our parish, it is the custom those healthy to stand for the entire Divine Liturgy, even during the sermon. If necessary, children may sit decorously at the feet of one’s parents. Whatever parish you are in, when in doubt, stand in prayer—yet remaining sensitive to not drawing attention to oneself, or blocking other’s participation in the service.

Lighting Candles

Lighting candles is an important part of Orthodox worship. We light them as we pray, making an offering to accompany our prayers. Orthodox typically light candles upon entering the church, after venerating the icons. If a service is already in progress, and the candlestands are up front, it is a good idea to wait until a litany (or until after the service) to light candles so as to not distract others from prayer, nor draw undue attention to oneself.

Entering Church (Late)

Since this is entirely inappropriate, without due cause, for a Christian who has come to worship God, the point is moot. The same goes for leaving services early. Experience testifies that coming to Church late is more a matter of “habit” than circumstance: there are those who come late, and those who don’t. Some rules of thumb: Those who arrive late should generally refrain from partaking of the Eucharist that day as “proper preparation” for Holy Communion assumes the ascetical effort of arriving on time for the service. If arriving late, one should refrain from venerating icons in the front of the church, etc. for the same reasons given under “Lighting Candles.”

Crossing One’s Legs

In many cultures throughout the world, crossing one’s legs is taboo and considered very disrespectful. In North America there are no real taboos against such action, rather, we tend to cross our legs to get comfortable. Should we do so in church? No. Not because it is “wrong” for us ever to cross our legs, but because it is too casual—and too relaxed—for being in the presence of God. When we get settled in our favorite chair at home, we lean back, kick up our legs, and allow our minds to wander. Remember, sitting in church is a very recent concession, not the norm of prayer. We should remain attentive (i.e.: “Let us attend”) at all times as a soldier prepared for (spiritual) battle before his Commander. Should we sit, we must do so attentively and not too comfortably that our minds not wander off the “one thing necessary.”

Walking In and Out

Certainly parents should have ready access to the doors to take small children out if they are distracting or need a short break—for this reason the doors are to be accessible, i.e. let us avoid the temptation to congregate around the back candlestand and door, and challenge ourselves to move forward into the Nave. For times when it is inappropriate, unless absolutely necessary, to walk out of the Divine Liturgy, the following list is a guideline:

• The beginning of the service: “Blessed is the Kingdom…”
• The Entrances: with the Gospel and later, the Chalice
• The Trisagion (“Holy God, Holy Mighty…”)
• The Epistle & Gospel Readings
• The Creed, the Lord’s Prayer (which are sung by the congregation)
• The Anaphora beginning with “Let us stand aright” all the way through to the Hymn to the Theotokos
• The distribution of Holy Communion, i.e. the Body and Blood of Christ in our midst, through the end of the dismissal

A Word About Lipstick

Lipstick looks terrible smeared on icons, crosses, and even, alas, gets into the communion chalice, making an oily sheen. Hand-written icons have been ruined by lipstick; and even though the cross or spoon can usually be cleaned after everyone venerates, it’s not very considerate to those who follow. What is the answer? Defer putting on lipstick until after the service – it’s perfectly ok for the coffee hour. Point of consideration: God, Whom we alone come before in Liturgy, is not impressed with our external attractiveness, but with the adorning of our souls in humility, good works, and piety.

Use of Personal Fragrances

We ask all of our members and visitors to forego using perfumes, colognes, after-shave, scented hair products, and scented body products and lotions when attending church services or church functions. A number of our parishioners experience serious sensitivies to fragrances that put them at risk of having severe reactions. Out of compassion for others, please come fragrance-free.

Talking During Church

We all love to see each other at Church, and are eager to talk, but silence is precious. The service is a conversation with God, Who is present, and we break that prayer/conversation when speaking to others. This consideration applies to all services of the Church, whether it be the Hours read prior to the Divine Liturgy, or the priest hearing Confessions after Vespers. It is best to save conversation for the fellowship hall, inviting guests next-door for a visit.

Kiss (Don’t Shake) the Bishop’s and Priest’s Hand

The proper way to greet a bishop or priest, whether at church or not, is to ask his blessing and kiss his right hand. How do you do this? Approach the bishop or priest with your right hand over your left (palms up) and say “Father (“Master,” in the case of a bishop), bless.” This is appropriate and traditional, rather than shaking their hands. When you receive such a blessing it is Christ Himself who offers the blessing through the hand of the priest or bishop. Who of us would not want all of Christ’s blessings we can get?

Sunday Dress

There was a time when people put on their “Sunday best” to go to church. By contrast, there is today a not insignificant backlash against such propriety. Many contemporary churches innocently flaunt a “come as you are” pitch as part of their advertising ploy. Though God does not demand us to “dress up” for Him (as though He is in any way impressed by our external appearance), the fact is, as followers of Christ in all areas of our life, we should offer Christ our “best” and not just our “leftovers” (cf. Cain and Abel). Our dress should always, especially at church, be becoming of a Christian. We dress modestly, not in a flashy way that merely brings attention to ourselves.

Some guidelines:

Children: Clean and modest clothes: not shorts, athletic wear, or “spandex” (which are not appropriate for adults either). Tennis shoes that “light up” should be avoided as should jeans, especially for altar servers, in that they draw attention away from prayer. “This Bud’s for you!” and other similar T-shirts are a definite out.

Women: Dresses are certainly most appropriate, and are to be modest (i.e. tank tops, short skirts, and tight clothing serve only one purpose contrary to the aim of being in Church). Slacks and pants are an accepted part of our culture; however tight jeans and spandex type wear are never appropriate.

Men: Men are also to dress modestly as befits a follower of Christ. While coat and tie are by no means mandatory, shirts with collars and clean pants/slacks are not much to ask. Again, shorts are to be avoided.

The above guidelines can be slightly different for services outside of Divine Liturgy, i.e. Vespers. It is better to be in church for prayer, than to not come at all for mere lack of a change of clothes – as may be the case when coming from a Saturday outing, or workparty, etc. Finally, this is not a call for someone to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe just to be a part of the Church! Use your best judgment and good taste when it comes to Church. We don’t go to church to be seen by people – we go to present ourselves before, and to worship, God.

Making the Sign of the Cross

A person looking around on a Sunday morning may notice that different people cross themselves at different times. To a certain extent, when to cross oneself is a matter of personal piety and not of dogma. However, there are times in the service when crossing oneself (thumb and first two fingers touching each other, third and fourth fingers folded into the palm: touching head first, to stomach, right shoulder to left) is called for:

To cross: when you hear one of the variations of the phrase “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit”; before venerating an icon, Gospel, or Cross; when blessed with an icon, Cross, Gospel, or Chalice; entering and exiting the temple; when passing before the Altar. Sometimes crosses are accompanied by partial bows, and sometimes by full bows from the waist. For more detail, see the Jordanville Prayerbook.

Not to cross (only bowing of the head): when blessed with hand (as in “Peace be unto all”), or censed. In receiving a blessing from a bishop or priest one does not make the sign of the Cross beforehand. “In this way ought we to distinguish between reverence toward holy things and toward persons” (Jordanville Prayerbook).

Handling the Holy Bread (“Antidoron”)

After taking Communion, at the end of the Divine Liturgy, and at Vespers/Vigil with a “Litya” or “Blessing of Bread”, it is traditional to eat a piece of holy bread or antidoron—the peripheral bread from which Holy Communion was prepared and various commemorations made. While antidoron is not the Body and Blood of Christ, it is still blessed bread, and as such, we should take precaution to eat it carefully so that crumbs don’t fall to be trampled underfoot. Monitor the children as they take the antidoron, teaching them to eat respectfully.

Final Thought

Our American culture of the 21st Century is very casual, even subtly anarchist, in its approach to life. Dress, music, language, values, morals, and entertainment all reflect a trend to “downgrade” life from what God intended it to be. We must not allow this prevailing tendency to enter into our Christian piety, whether at home or at church. Most church etiquette is based on simple common sense and a respect for God and others. We are in church to worship God as Holy Trinity. As the priest announces, so we comport ourselves: “In the fear of God, with faith and love, draw near.” If we simply approach our lives and our worship together with this in mind, then we will be people of proper “church etiquette”, and more importantly, worship in spirit and in truth.